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Tell Your Sons Too Not To Rape

Mark’s friends said they were not surprised he had raped his girlfriend, since he learned from his uncle that ‘’when women say no, what they really mean is yes’’, he had been boasting that he will have sex with his girlfriend of two months who kept saying she wasn’t ready for sex. Mark’s parents however never saw it coming. Their own son to be jailed and subsequently deported for rape? He didn’t fit the profile of rapists they had in mind; he is their young promising son, who came back home to a loving family every day!

When we hear about rape cases, it’s often easy to think of the rapists as some masked men lurking around in the bush, while this can be true, it is not always the case. A rapist can also be somebody’s innocent looking son, nephew, brother, husband or even father, who lives in a home with his unsuspecting family.

Crime can never be eradicated, but it can be significantly reduced, and sometimes individuals can also take some measures to protect themselves from being the victim or perpetrators of these crimes. While it is important to teach our daughters how to protect themselves from being victims, it is also important to teach our sons not to be perpetrators of this crime.

Teaching women how to be watchful and protect themselves against rapists might have saved many women from being raped, but I also believe that when parents take time to teach their boys not to rape, it will also significantly reduce the number of rape cases.

Take a quick survey of the men around you, you will be surprised that majority of them were never told by their parents about the dangers of rape. Take a quick survey of the women around you and it’s the opposite.

We need to talk to our sons about rape. We need to let them know we expect much from them, discipline and respect for women among many other things. We need to let them know that rape destroys both the victim and the perpetrators! We need to let them know that when a woman says no, they should respect her choice and never assume she means yes. We owe our sons this.

Writer – Shola Okubote

picture: terry vine/getty images

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Femme Lounge


  1. right step in the right direction. there so many misguided young men out there.

  2. Thanks a lot for sharing this. Many times we are guilty of pointing the finger and we forget that all other fingers actually point back to us…

  3. prevention is always better than cure. yes it will never eliminate the crime but at least it will save more people.

  4. A good perspective to the rape issue, we emphasize so much on the need to ensure that our girls are safe that we forget that there's so much we can do if the boys are not brought up right….generation after generation. Very true!

  5. Very thoughtful of the writer. Rape cases will be drastically reduced when Parents continually speak to their children to respect women’s choices about sex and other related issues.

  6. Olusegun Adebolu Reply to Olusegun

    Rape is an evil thing and shouldn’t be taken lightly. But how do we combat this menace? I think the first step should start with the parents cos they are incharge of instilling moral values and acceptable behaviors into their childrens lives. They need to let the girls know that its not their fault if ever such a thing happens to them or any girl they know and that its a really courageous thing to speak up cos that means protecting/ preventing other girls from suffering same fate in th future especially by the same perpetrators. The boys need to know that rape or coercing/forcing a woman into having sex with them is a no-no, and is unacceptable for whatever the guys might think. Funny thing is no rapist wants his sister, daughter or mother raped, and no mother, sister or daughter wants to ever believe their son,brother or father is a rapist. So are we saying rapists are ghosts or aliens? NO. They are our everyday people, friends, loved ones and acquaintances we see all around us, people we interact with every-so often. Rapists should be made to know that the society is not in support of their behavior no matter who they are and that they will never get away from facing the wrath of the law.

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